Putting the Pieces Back Together Again

Putting the pieces back together after we experience nosotros accept lost all – that's what we would like to practice. And therein lies our problem. Because it does not work. Why? And what to practice?

You and I, in our lifetime we are likely to run into many challenging episodes, which will shake u.s.a. to the cadre:

• poor wellness
• human relationship pause-down
• expiry, grief
• financial loss
• unemployment
• homelessness
• disappointments
• deceit, unfairness, discrimination
• state of war
• crime
• environmental disasters
• and more than.

And depending on their severity and impact on us and our lives, we can be left feeling like we have lost everything – literally, emotionally, spiritually or metaphorically. Putting the pieces back together is all nosotros want.

But information technology tin can be a harrowing and impossible chore, which can impairment our wellbeing and lead to more depression, feet, acrimony, hopelessness – you name it.

i. What has cleaved in your life?

Ofttimes it is our sense of identity, purpose in life, our achievements, liberty, hopes, that which gives us a sense of safety and belonging, love, trust and agreement, our routines, the things and people that keep u.s. going and hopefully make information technology all worthwhile.

And when we feel nosotros accept lost that, then putting the pieces back together feels near impossible. Because what has happened to the pieces we are meant to put dorsum together?

Gone, shattered, taken away. Leaving behind ofttimes traumatic experiences and memories. A numb void, a loss of self, self confidence and cocky worth.

Life now appears meaningless; we appear without significant.

And when nosotros are in that place, and so putting the pieces back together tin look like an incommunicable and frankly naive proffer. Merely we are let to believe that this is the way to go.

And if nosotros don't try then we are a failure – so we are told. And if we try and fail, then we are a failure, too, then nosotros may think.

Why pulling yourself together can exist more than harmful than helpful.

two. Putting the pieces back together is not possible.

Considering putting the pieces back together is impossible, if we try and expect for the same old pieces. Many will have gone. But leaving it at that makes life await almost impossible.

That's why repeating to ourselves and others the impossibility of our situation, whatever it may be, is and so risky for our wellbeing.

The drip-baste effect of negative self talk, fifty-fifty if justified, is powerfully subversive.

I take had my fair share of events and circumstances which seemingly put the clock back to zilch, leaving me standing in front of the shattered erstwhile life I had worked and then hard to build for myself.

In those darkest of moments I never tried putting the pieces back together or to commencement again. Because I felt I had lost what information technology would accept – health, money, a task, a dwelling house, my self-conviction, friends, faith, motivation, inspiration.

3. Why am I no longer in that dark place?

I call back because instinctively at some point I permit go of some of the quondam, left-over pieces. And that fabricated room in my head for marvel, possibilities and ideas.

When I would lock myself away, I would do so knowingly and tell myself, that'southward what I need correct now until I am prepare to unlock the door and footstep out again, even if for the briefest of moments.

Doing it that way gives me a sense of buying and I don't feel overwhelmed by the victim identity, which stifles our identity.

Ultimately – status, things, people and even health lone don't define u.s.a.. It is only united states who can define ourselves.

How to allow your regrets shape you lot, non break you.

4. Finding tools to get you into the zone.

Instead of wasting time on putting the same onetime pieces back together, nosotros need to find ways of

• calming down the negative and destructive cocky talk;
• motivating ourselves to wait effectually, search and search again for what nosotros need to get inspired;
• protect ourselves from the well-meaning pity and dread of others, who confirm how tragic our life is, but who offer little else.

We need to get into that zone, where we can start believing again in the im-possible.

Tools can vary over time.

I firmly believe that we will find what we need, when we need information technology.

As long as we are open. Don't forcefulness and don't be likewise quick to dismiss. One thing may lead to some other. What worked one time, may non work some other. What works for me, may not piece of work for you. That's the way it goes.

Yous may walk, cook, do yoga, knit, run, stare at the wall, read a volume, sing, pray, launder, clean, visualise, twenty-four hours dream, have a massage / reflexology / etc, write, draw, meditate, listen to music, exist silent, chant – the possibilities are endless.

But whatever you do, do it with the intention of getting into a calming zone, where you can reduce the negative self talk: those niggling or violently bashing away thoughts of anger, fright and resentment. They all take their place, but we demand to learn to manage and to straight them. If we don't, and then we volition lose perspective betwixt the past, present and hereafter. Nosotros won't motility on.

When you lot notice what gets you into the zone, and so establish a routine and stick to information technology. Mornings and evenings.

Your body, mind and heart will get used to information technology, and you will exist able to cope improve and faster with the nighttime moments. Considering they volition popular up, from time to fourth dimension.

At that place is nothing right or wrong well-nigh it. It is what it is. And we are trying the best we can.

How to plough hopelessness into hope.

5. Resetting the clock.

The more I think well-nigh it, and the more than difficult things happen in my life, I realise that we need to get better at closing chapters and resetting the clock – on our terms. Because, and then we are not the victim.

But we don't. Why? Considering of the hurting, outrage, grief and fear we may feel well-nigh any has happened.

On the one paw we are justified to feel all of that, equally well every bit the trauma and numbness. But on the other mitt, we cannot leave information technology at that.

When I was rediagnosed with breast cancer, I was shocked, even though I had e'er considered the possibility. Because I wanted to exist prepared, and never e'er be taken off-baby-sit as I had been the first time around. Withal when I received the news I went back into a land of utter atheism and shock.

And I could also come across the pieces of my life starting to shatter. A lot I had to give up and stop – like my piece of work, routine, financial stability, safety.

Financial and concrete vulnerability are a potent and hard mix.

And in that location were night moments. But I realised pretty apace, that I needed to be in accuse of the narrative of what was happening.

• Yeah, I might dice this time, who knows.
• I take to make changes, that I'd rather not.
• Aye, I am more than vulnerable than before.
• I am disappointed and frightened and angry and a lot likewise.

Only I yet accept the ability, and always volition, not to leave information technology at that. Because that would be disastrous.

6. Fitting what is happening into the story of your life.

Each episode in our lives, whether we like it or not, is an episode with a outset, a centre and an end. And, yes, one episode will be the final chapter of our lives. Information technology has got to be.

When we can accept that, so at that place is less risk of feeling and believing that 1 episode has the power to wipe out all that has been and all that may be.

Life is a continuation: Sometimes seamless, sometimes precipitous. Only nosotros are always the catalyst.

And if you say "no" – cancer is the catalyst, or your partner, or the government or whoever – and so that's not what I mean.

Y'all and I, we are the catalyst for the continuation.

After my first cancer diagnosis, I could have given up. But I did not. I found other means and I ended up content, even more and then, with who I am and who I can still go. I started writing.

After the 2d diagnosis I could have pulled the plug on this website and a lot else besides. But I did not. Instead, I am writing this piece and do a lot else.

I am the catalyst as much as you are the goad.

And we need to dig deep to notice the low-cal, the direction, the inspiration and motivation to let become.

And when we do, then something starts to heal, deep in our soul. Then new possibilities open up, including making peace with that which we never wanted to happen, but information technology did and with what may yet lie ahead.

7 steps towards living in peace.

Photo by Quino Al on Unsplash

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Source: https://karinsieger.com/putting-pieces-back-together/

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